Need You Now
Good morning, my Lovelies!
It is Thursday morning, and I’m struggling, so what better way to get some thoughts out of my head while everyone else is busy with work and life than to blog it out? I hope you have sunshine and warmth in your little corner of the world and that you have peace, love, and happiness in your heart and soul.
Y’all, I don’t know what’s going on with me. I am unbelievably unmotivated. Not just today, though this morning is proving exceptionally difficult. I’m blaming it on the ADHD, but I’m truthfully starting to wonder if it’s more than that. I have so damn much I need to be doing, and my executive dysfunction has me wanting to just crawl back in bed, pull the covers over my head, and cry out my frustrations.
I have GOT to get some writing done. I’ve been struggling with this story so much, and I absolutely cannot figure out why. It is so frustrating. I have thousands of photos I need to download, go through, and edit, and I can’t even get up the desire to do it. I need to deep clean my house. I need to figure out some book business things. I need to take care of some personal business. I need to work in my yard and garden.
Most of all, I need to find some time for myself. I feel as if I’m constantly in demand, and I’m afraid I’m spreading myself way too thin. I’m not sure how much longer I can continue on this way. I give and give and give, and I swear there are times I don’t know how I can give any more. I’m kind of a mess right now, and the idea of burdening my friends with my bullshit isn’t very appealing. (Yes, I’m fully aware I’ll be yelled at for not relying on them right now, but being a potential bother isn’t sitting well with me at the moment.)
I’m seriously missing my writing retreats. I know I usually only went away for a few days, but those few days in seclusion were vital components to helping my mental health. I could rest, relax, and just let my brain do whatever the fuck it needed to be able to carry on with life. Yes, they were my writing retreats, but I worked on myself just as much as I worked on my writing.
Not having access to that is kind of making me feel as if I’m losing my mind. Maybe I am. Maybe that’s why I do the things I do. Who knows.
What I do know is this, I need my brain regulated. I haven’t been in sub-space in way too long. As someone with unmedicated ADHD, it is so damn vital to my well-being. I know there are a lot of people who do NOT understand sub-space, but it truly isn’t all about sex. It’s about calming my racing mind. It’s about finally being able to be present, in the moment, when my brain constantly dwells in the past and races through the possibilities of the future. Being neurodivergent is fun, y’all.
Anyway, just some random thoughts and some wishful thinking. I know many of you are going to say I should just take meds, and maybe I should, but I’ve made it this far through my life without being medicated, and I’ve developed coping mechanisms that normally work well for me. It’s when I don’t have access to those that things get wonky on me.
And this, my Lovelies, is where I’m at currently. Let me just fall back on the anthem of my generation.
It is what it is.
Until next time and always…
Have courage. Be kind. Be happy!
Much love and neurospicy craziness from me to you,
Shelly (a/k/a Dawn Love)
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